Single gay men dating
You think, maybe it’s just not possible for gay men to have long-term relationships.There must be some truth to the old joke: “What does a gay man bring on a second date? ” You would be ready to throw in the towel, if it weren’t for your best friend who met someone and is now in a happy relationship for the past 2 years—or that middle-aged couple who live in your building and who just celebrated 25 years together with a trip to Paris.
What belies these feelings and behaviors is the fear that you are is so flawed that you cannot attract and keep a partner without monitoring and controlling him—even though these behaviors ironically push him away. Remember, you are looking for a life mate; that glass slipper is hardly one size fits all, and very few men will qualify.Another way feeling unlovable manifests is in the choice of partner. For sure, so much of the gay male world is way too focused on looks, youth, the gym, partying, and fast hookups; so searching for Mr. However, feeling subconsciously unlovable or unworthy can again rear its head here through your choices.That muscled, tattooed bad boy is hotter than hell, and great in bed, but is he showing any sign that he is ready to settle down?You keep coming up empty-handed, stymied in your efforts, no matter what you try.All of this talk of legalized marriage just seems to make things worse, adding pressure from friends, family, and even yourself.You might still be living together, or stay best friends.
You are no longer official partners, but worry if you met someone, he would be upset—or perhaps you would, because it would be too painful to finally say good bye.
I have worked with many gay widowers—guys with good relationship track records, who are anxiously seeking a new mate, but are sabotaging themselves in the ways described above.
Upon close examination, we jointly discovered their worry that if they got romantically involved with someone else, they would be abandoning their previous mate.
A wise teacher once told me that once we have been in a relationship, it never really fully ends—Even if we have been divorced or our partner has died, the heart never fully lets go.
However, the good news is the heart’s capacity is not limited by physical space.
No problem there, but one needs to be honest with oneself about his true needs and wants and do the (hard) work of freeing oneself from societal and family pressures.